THANKSGIVING - 2010!

Walla Walla WA, November 29, 2010, Winter is here to stay, snow and cold, 26 degrees

We have had lots of family come and share Thanksgiving with us here on the farm. Three of my older brothers came and one sister-in-law. Hanna and Cleo were both home, so we had a house full. I was coming off of a lot of post-chemo medication and my immune system must have been effected because I came down with a pretty serious sinus cold. Kriss had had it the week before, but she seemed to get over it faster than I am. I was able to preach at all three services on the 28th, but it pretty much wiped me out and I am going to take it easy this week and get healthy so I can go to Seattle without the complication of a sinus infection or bronchitis. The Seattle Cancer Care Alliance has sent out the last donor blood test packets, they should get them back this week. I also have to submit a blood sample to them this week for some test that they need to do.

I continue to be surrounded by loving hearts and hands. A Doctor in our congregation sent me an article recently published in the New England Journal of Medicine entitled: "Reduced Mortality after Allogeneic Hematopoietic-Cell Transplation". This was a study done at SCCA from 1993-1997 and from 2003-2007. It involved over 2,500 patients and showed "significant decreases in mortality" and "in the risk of severe Graft Versus Host Disease caused by viral, bacterial, and fungal infections; and damage to the liver, kidneys, and lungs". The conclusions from the study stated: "We found a substantial reduction in the hazard of death related to allogeneic hematopoietic-cell transplantation, as well as increased long-term survival, over the past decade. Improved outcomes appear to be related to reductions in organ damage, infection, and severe acute Graft Versus Host Disease". I had shared the Sunday before this article appeared some of the statistics concerning mortality and long-term probabilities after transplantation. They were sobering to say the least and I can't tell you how much I appreciated the thoughtfulness of my parishioner to send me some updated information. It confirms our decision to go ahead with the Allogeneic Transplant. We know that all of your prayers and expressions of concern will tip the scales toward healing and restoration.

I am feeling an increasing impact from the latest R-Chop chemo. Not only physically, but emotionally, I don't have the coping capacity I seemed to have just a few weeks ago. As the date approaches to leave home and go to Seattle for up to 4-5 months, it feels like we're leaving most of what we have known and loved for the past 32 years. I guess that is the essence of faith, or "pistis" in the New Testament. Biblical faith is like a coin. On one side is content, or what one believes. On the other side is obedience, or the actual stepping out and putting that faith into practice. Content matters. It is essential to understand the truth of the Gospel and the identity and promises of Jesus. But it isn't enough to "know" the truth. This is where the English language reveals a certain poverty of expression. In both French and Spanish there are two words and levels of "knowing". In French to "know - savoir" something factually implies a simple knowledge or superficial reality. Ones knows a name, address, or fact, but it doesn't imply depth or true comprehension. To "know-connaitre" changes the conversation and relationship dramatically. Now one has moved beyond superficial acquaintance to intimacy and deepening awareness. It is what we encounter in the Gospels over and over again from the words of Jesus. He seemed to have the gift of looking deep within the soul and heart of people and speaking to their deepest needs and fears. All pretense was instantly dissolved and people were exposed, for better or worse, for who they really were and their true motives in seeking Jesus. In spite of that terrifying public revelation of the true self, Jesus spoke a word of healing and hope. People understood that here is a Teacher/Rabbi who "knows-connaitre"
me fully and completely. There is no use in pretending anymore. It is time to be authentic and real, no matter how frightening and humiliating it feels. The miracle, of course, must have been the life-saving look into the Savior's eyes and the vision of perfect love and grace. Some "knew-savoir" the Truth that stood before them, yet they turned away for whatever reasons and failed to act on that faith. Others "knew-connaitre" that they were in the presence of Truth itself and they would sacrifice anything and everything to live out that knowledge to their last breath. It is not enough for us to "know-savoir" the statistical possibilities/probabilities of healing after a transplant. We must act on that knowledge in leaving all that is known and comfortable and going to our own version of Canaan to find a new life and future. I cling to the promise Jesus personally gave to the Apostle Paul in 2 Cor. 12:9: "My grace is all sufficient and efficacious, for my power and strength are only made perfect in the face of your weakness and inadequacy." I guess it's accecptable to acknowledge my increasing weaknesses and inadequacy. I have a feeling that they are only going to multiply during the transplant process. What keeps me moving forward is that life-giving promise that Jesus' power and grace keep expanding concurrently with my shrinking capacities and strength. To all of you reading these words, may you "know-connaitre" the love of Jesus and rejoice in the miracle of following God's invitation to your own Canaan.

Yakima Valley Community College, Fall 1969.

I was used to driving to Yakima every day to go to IKE. In fact, YVCC was even closer to home and I was looking forward to starting College and trying to serve God in all the various Christian ministries in which I was involved. Academically, college was both a review of what I had learned at IKE, and truly a challenge from top notch professors who could have taught anywhere they wanted. I rapidly learned time management was essential. There were just too many responsibilities after school, evenings and weekends to let anything slide. I put homework first and rarely left campus without finishing any assignment due the next day. I made friends with a few people on campus, but I was so involved in ministry with Junior and Senior High School students that most of my energy and time was consumed in that arena. I must have come across as a fairly strange guy. I never knew what a typical college student did for "fun" or entertainment. No one ever invited me to a party or other occasion where I might have made inappropriate choices. One form of rebellion or independence that I did choose, was to let my hair grow down to my shoulders. It was the era when "real christians" didn't have long hair and so it began to cause something of a controversery among the boards of Campus Life and Young Life. They tried to get me to cut my hair, but it was a futile attempt on their part. What caused me to end up getting a buzz cut only 18 months later was when fashion and taste reversed and all the people who had been harrassing me to get my hair cut, were sporting long hair and going to styling salons regularly. The hypocrisy made me realize how frail and fleeting convictions could be.

What consumed most of my time and energy was working with young people. I spent almost every spare moment making phone calls, visiting schools, sending out correspondence, meeting with youth in small groups and large gatherings, teaching Bible classes or attending student activities. As I write this list, I am struck by how much my life still involves almost all of these things. The essence of ministry is building trust and creating a meaningful relationship with others. My wife has a note stuck up next to the computor that says: "Jesus is my life, Friendship is my agenda!" It's a quote from a cancer patient/pastor who we listened to on the internet a while ago. He was talking about why he had chosen to stop all life-saving and extending treatments and let nature and God take their course. He is 74 years old, so I can understand why he is making that choice. At 59 years of age, it isn't as attractive.

Living at home and going to College meant that I was still fairly dependent upon my mother financially and personally. In fact, much to my children's disgust and disbelief, I never learned to do my own laundry, ever! My mother did it until I left for France in 1971. The family I lived with in France did the laundry for us and I got married to Kriss December 30, 1971. I tried to do a load of laundry once after we were married, but the pink undergarments that emerged resulted in my banishment from the washer and dryer. My incredibly independent daughters simply cannot conceive of how I could have survived with such ignorance, let alone how Kriss could have put up with such immaturity. I can testify to the fact that it is possible to get through life without knowing how to do laundry, but I wouldn't recommend it.

That first year of College was so consumed with studying and ministry that it seemed to just fly past. I have a suspicion that part of my out of balance lifestyle was an unhealthy way of avoiding deeper personal issues that I was too "busy" to even acknowledge. Doing "God's Work" is the ultimate alibi and cop out for not addressing significant issues in life. Pastors are notorious and tragically, nefarious, when it comes to rationalizing unhealthy behavior. They will defend to their last breath and day in ministry their need to put others' needs ahead of their own. God has a way of getting our attention, however and in the coming summer of 1970, life would be turned upside down with new adventures in work and relationships.