REALITY CHECK!

Walla Walla, WA, Friday, November 19, 2010 Snow in the mountains, 45 degrees in the valley.

We have finally received word as to when we will be returning to Seattle for the preparation for the stem cell transplant. In order to keep the cancer I already have in remission, I had my fourth R-Chop treatment here in Walla Walla on Wednesday, November 17th. I am two days in recovery from that treatment and am tolerating it as well as can be expected. There will be a dip early next week as I come off of some of the medications they give to counteract the more unpleasant side effects. We will have some family coming for Thanksgiving, arriving on Wednesday the 24th, so I should be in pretty good shape by then. I have had some college age guys come out and help get the final stacks of hay put in the barn for winter. It is a big relief to get things done on the farm so we can sleep easier at night and know the good hay is safe from rain and snow damage. We sell the good grass hay to horse people over the winter, so it has to be dry and free of mold and mildew.

Our four children begin blood work today, November 19th, to find the best donor from among them. Hanna and Ella are driving up from the Portland, OR area to the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance this morning to get the process started. Cleo and Amos will submit blood work from Walla Walla and Colorado as soon as they receive their packets. We will leave Walla Walla December 14th and have appointments beginning the morning of December 15th. They would like to have the donor selected and present with us at that time, I hope that will be possible. Amos is probably the only one who would have any trouble being available for that timeframe. We will have consultations with Dr. Press and other people up and until the 29th of December which is the day I would begin pre-transplant chemo to suppress my immune system and wipe out any residual cancer cells floating around in my body. That is the point of no return. There is no turning back and we are committed to doing the transplant on January 4, 2011.

During our pre-R-Chop consultation with my Oncologist here in Walla Walla, we had a very frank and open Reality Check, from his perspective, about the chances of survival and success of the transplant. He wants us to have as much awareness as possible of the risks and possible outcomes we may face. Specifically, 20% of transplant patients don't survive the transplant itself; 45-50% of patients have their cancer return even with the transplant; and 45% of transplant survivors develop graft versus host disease which can be fatal as well. His honest opinion is that if I choose not to do the transplant, he would treat me in Walla Walla with no chance of a cure. I would continue to have periods of remission, but that the cancer would reappear over and over until it would effect vital organs and I would die. He would do everything he could to make me comfortable, but that I would have to make choices about quality versus quantity of life. The one thing he cannot offer to me is hope for a cure. That is the most significant thing having a transplant keeps in play. It is the intangible factor that can tip all of the statistical factors from failure to success.

In Paul's Epistle to the Romans, Chapter 5, we read: "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace (shalom) with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not desappoint us, because God has poired out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." It is the combination of all of your loving prayers, support and the hope of God that gives us the faith and courage to face this life and death struggle. Through the lens of divine hope we focus on the 80% of those who survive the transplant; the 50-55% whose cancer is cured and never returns; the 55% who don't develop graft versus host disease; not to mention the chance to cure my myleo-dysplastic syndrome and have a new immune system from one of my children in their 20's or 30's. Who knows what crazy and amazing things God might do with a 30 year old immune system in a 60 year old body. It is both inspiring and frightening to those who have to live and work with me.

So for the next 4 weeks, we will prepare to wrap things up here in Walla Walla and get ready to relocate to Seattle for 3 and 1/2 to 5 months. Kriss will be going back and forth from Seattle to Walla Walla from time to time, especially during calving season. We have people lined up to help with that and feeding all the animals when winter sets in for real. I have made a count of our hay supply and we should have plenty to get through until Spring. We have processed all of the calves from 2009 and they all turned out in exceptional shape. In fact, Thundering Hooves, wants to talk to us about helping them manage their all natural grass fed beef production in the future. It would be helpful to just be in the consultation business and not have to do all the physical work, which I probably won't be able to do for a couple of years, anyway. We will meet with them on the 24th of November to see what they are thinking. We have developed a genetic strain of beef cattle that can finish on just grass and alfalfa hay at about 18 months of age and produce a 700-800lb. carcass that grades choice with perfect marbling and back fat cover. At the very least, they want to have access to our breeding stock and see what they can do to help us expand our operation so they can guarantee the best quality they can to their ever growing customer base. God has a way of providing for every need we have, even when we don't have any idea how things could possibly work out. I had a similar reality check the night I graduated from Dwight D. Eishenhower Senior High School, June 10, 1969.

Yakima, WA, June 10, 1969 Graduation/Commencement, Class of 1969.

I was very pleased to have finished High School. It was a difficult, but fruitful year in my life intellectually and spiritually. I graduated in the top 5% of the class academically,and received two Awards in Band and Orchestra. Secretary of Washington State Ludlow Cramer gave a speech on "Challenge and Response". My father came over from Seattle to attend the ceremonies and I appreciated his coming, but would find out the next day one of his main motives in being there. After the hoopla was over at the school, we were invited to an all class graduation party at the YMCA in Yakima, to keep us off the streets and try to keep people sober and alive. It was a pretty lame party and I left by 3:00 am. I was to start my summer job working for Windy Point Fruit Farms at 7:00 am that same moring, so I thought I should get home and get a couple hours of sleep before starting a new job and a new reality.

Windy Point Farms was owned by some very wealthy people in Seattle and managed by the Delt Clark family. Delt Sr., Delt Jr. and brother Dale all worked on the farm and they had several hundred acres of mixed soft and hard fruit that kept a lot of people busy summer and winter. I had worked on a lot of cattle and hay operations, but this was my first experience in fruit production on a commercial scale. I had a lot to learn, but I was willing and eager to learn all I could and I ended up working for them off and on for the next two years. What I remember most about the first day at work, was what was awaiting me when I got home around 6:00 pm. My mother was waiting for me with the news that after my graduation ceremony, my father had asked her for a divorce. What a great graduation present. I was hoping and praying that being together for my graduation would somehow bring my parents together. It was a bitter pill to swallow and, of course, my mother used it to alienate me from my father and align myself with her side of the story. It would take them a couple of years to sort out all the legal baggage, but they would ultimately legally divorce and get on with their lives. I felt like I was set adrift on a boat alone, with only Jesus standing behind me to guide me through the storms of life, just like the picture I bought myself for graduation that still hangs in my bedroom.

Windy Point Farms was the perfect place to spend a summer coping with family issues and learning everything there is to learn about fruit production, packing and marketing. Just a few weeks after starting work, cherry harvest began. We all had the option to either pick cherries, which was piece work and you got paid by how much you picked, or an hourly wage driving a tractor or working in the packing shed. I thought I would try my hand at picking cherries, which would probably earn me more money per day. I was right. I can even remember that I picked 30 buckets of cherries my first day, and got paid .90 cents per bucket or $27 dollars that first day. Since hourly wages were about $1.85 an hour, I made close to $3.00 an hour being a "fruit tramp" or picker. Whenever I could, I would pick fruit and make extra money. Otherwise, the summer crew would thin fruit, prop up limbs, set out bins and ladders for the next harvest and work in the packing shed sorting fruit and storing it for shipment. There was always more to do than we had time for and it made the days go by quickly. Apricot harvest was next and I was selected to run a highlift picking machine that held a dozen buckets around the cage that you controlled with hydralics to go forward, backward and up and down. Apricots had to be color-picked, so you only picked those with a bronze tint to them so they would ripen with enough sugar content and yet be firm enough to survive the sorting and packing process. I got pretty good at it and could pick over 100 buckets of apricots a day. There is a lot of culling during the packout of apricots and they would set the culls in 1000 lb. bins and then dump them out in the orchard for fertilizer as they broke down. One day I asked if I could sort out some of them that were still perfectly edible and safe to eat. They asked me what I intended to do with them, fearing that I was going to sell them on the sly and they wouldn't permit me to do that. I said that I had been in touch with a christian ministry among the poorer families in Yakima and that I would personally sort out the apricots and deliver them to the agency and they would distribute them free of charge to needy families. Thus began a ministry of working after regular working hours, going through the cull bins and hauling them to Yakima to feed those in need. I met some great people and families doing that ministry and since I had been poor and in need much of my early years, I could appreciate what fresh fruit could mean to these families, especially the children. The Clarks were very pleased with my work ethic and my spiritual commitment. They attended the Parker Heights Presbyterian Church and so we shared that in common. I had enrolled in Yakima Valley Community College for the Fall Quarter. Mostly, I felt called to stay in the Yakima Valley in order to continue serving in the ministries God had placed me into. I would be the Campus Life Leader at White Swan High School, assist with the Young Life Program at Wapato High School, teach 7th grade Sunday School at the Community Presbyterian Church in Wapato and help lead their Junior High School Weekly ministry, plus go to school full time and work Saturdays and holiday breaks for Windy Point Farms. I learned early on to trust in God's all sufficient grace to manage my time and use me to minister to others for His glory. I lived at home with my mother and continued to drive to Yakima every day to attend College. It was a daunting challenge to take on, much like the medical battle we are about to face 41 years later.