DE PROFUNDIS - OUT OF THE DEPTHS!

Seattle WA, 38 degrees rain and snow.

Psalm 130 begins with these words: "Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord; O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy....I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope....O people of God, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption." I have begun my descent into the depths of immune suppression and pre-transplant conditioning. It will initiate the most dangerous period of my transplant process. Here is my schedule:
5 January, 2011 Chemotherapy: Fludarabine and Cytoxan, 12 hours
6 January, 2011 Chemotherapy: Fludarabine and Cytoxan, 12 hours
7 January, 2011 Chemotherapy: Fludarabine, 3 hours
8 January, 2011 Chemotherapy: Fludarabine, 3 hours
9 January, 2011 Chemotherapy: Fludarabine, 3 hours
10 Jan.   , 2011  Total Body Irradiation and Hydration, 6 hours
11 Jan    , 2011  PBSC (Stem cell transplant) Infusion and clinic 8 hours
12 Jan    , 2011  Lab tests and infusion hydration training 3 hours
13 Jan    , 2011  Lab tests 1 hour
14 Jan    , 2011  Lab tests, Chemotherapy: Cytoxan and Mesna, Clinic Evaluation 8 hours
15 Jan    , 2011  Lab tests, Chemotherapy: Cytoxan and Mesna, 4 hours

The first 5 days of Chemotherapy are to suppress my immune system and destroy my own stem cells. The two days of Chemotherapy on the 14th and 15th are to slightly suppress Hanna's stem cells so they are not as likely to attack organs, skin and intestinal tract. As you can see, it will be a full week and by the grace of God we are getting our game faces on and preparing for the struggle.

Friday evening and all day Saturday I was fully feeling the descent into the depths. Exhaustion like nothing I had ever felt before. Loose bowels and nausea, with an almost complete loss of appetite. I started developing a fever Friday evening and by Saturday afternoon it was hovering at 100.9 which is the tipping point at which we have to call the SCCA and probably go to the U of W Medical Center for blood tests and evaluation. Thankfully, by using all the tried and tested home remedies; cold wet rag, tons of fluids and a cool bath, we were able to keep it below 101 and this morning it was back to normal. I am not supposed to take any Tylenol or other fever reducing drugs, because they might mask some information about a bacterial infection. You just have to tough it out. Fighting a fever is exhausting. I could barely get out of bed this morning to go to the clinic. As it turns out, the fever may have been a side effect from the many drugs and Chemo agents that I have been taking this week. As the fever has subsided, I am getting much more energy. My appetite is still lousy, but I have enough reserve stored up that I can draw upon that for some time. This is not a weight loss program anyone would willingly choose, but I wouldn't be disappointed if I came back to Walla Walla a lean, mean, fighting machine.

We have had lots of family here this weekend. Christopher and Ella came up from Portland Friday evening and stayed until a few hours ago. My brother Tom and Cleo arrived just a few minutes ago and they will be here most of the week. We, fortunately, have enough bedrooms to house them all and we can never thank Mark and Patty Anderson enough for letting us use their home here in Ballard. Hanna is going through the throes of pain as her bone marrow produces up to 5 million stem cells for the transplant. Tonight is the most difficult time for her. She aches all over and we try to keep her medicated as much as possible to bear the pain. They will begin harvesting those stem cells tomorrow, Monday, and if they don't get enough, they will do it again Tuesday morning just before the transplant. I think this is what Jesus was talking about when he said: "Greater love has no one, than the one willing to lay down their life for their neighbor." I will be forever grateful for her courage, devotion and willingness to suffer to potentially save my life and cure my cancer. The first day she met with Dr. Storb to go through whole process, she broke down after a while and sobbed; "I just don't want my Daddy to die!" I think Dr. Storb was deeply moved by her depth of compassion. It validates his 50+ years of research and clinical treatment of lymphoma and leukemia patients. He must be in his mid-70s and his passion for research and the kinds of almost supernatural therapies on the drawing board keep him young and energized. It would probably kill him to be forced to retire when they are just a few years away from unlocking the key to numerous chronic diseases. Thank God for the intellectual gifts of such people and their willingness to use them in the alleviation of suffering. The people we meet every day will remain in our hearts and minds for years to come and I pray that they will see Christ in our lives and family. I have always treasured my wife and children, but this experience reveals the fruit of those tough years of parenting, coaching, disciplining and loving. I can not imagine how we would get through all this without them and all of you who hold us in your hearts and in your prayers. A nurse the other day was asking why I thought I was doing so well going through so many treatments. I told her that there were literally hundreds of people praying for me daily and that God is faithful to hear the prayers of his people. She is a believer and agreed that this was certainly a major factor in my well being, in spite of it all. I had people praying for me while I was studying in France, as well, and in my journey home for Christmas Break, I needed all the help I could get, divine and human.

December, 1971 Aix-en-Provence, France -- Wapato, WA -- Aix-en-Provence, France

Much of my life was changing dramatically in the French Universite. I avoided speaking English with a passion and dedicated my life to learning all I could while I was in France. I barely had enough money to survive, let alone travel all over Europe every weekend like many of the American students at the American Institute. They seemed like they were in a  competition to see how many places they could visit over the course of one or two semesters abroad. They didn't take their academic courses seriously and it was just a lark, for the most part. The American Institute did provide affordable outings for anyone stuck in the financial mud like me occasionally, and I took advantage of them when I could.

Kriss was the biggest issue I had to deal with as Christmas Break approached. We were engaged to be married in June of 1972 after I returned from France. However, I began to feel a deep conviction that if she didn't come to France and experience what my life was becoming, we would be strangers to one another. I didn't have enough money to go back to WA state and back, yet I wrote to her and asked her to consider getting married.  Her response was, if you come home you aren't going back without me. God has a way of intervening when we are at a place where only God can change the course of our lives. I received a check in the mail from my personal Physician, Dr. Gregg from Wapato, for enough money to fly round trip from Zurich, Switzerland to Seattle. I took a bus to Zurich and waited for my flight in a raging blizzard. Hour by hour ticked by with cancellation after cancellation. Finally, our departure was announced, telling us that we were the final flight that would be allowed to leave that night. I arrived at JFK, New York at 3 am and had a minor problem. I only had French Francs and that had worked in Zurich, but all the money-change booths were closed at 3 am and they wouldn't accept French Francs for the ticket to Seattle. What a bummer! I desperately thought about all my options and decided I would use the last check I had from my checking account in Wapato. The only minor problem was that I didn't have enough money in that account to cover the check, but this was in the days of less than instant communication, and I was sure I could get to Wapato and deposit my money before the check cleared. Thankfully, I did. We flew a 747 out of JFK in the afternoon which was 1/4 full and I could stretch out on three seats and get some much needed sleep.

My parents were so concerned about my unexpected and unwelcome return from France, that they broke their ongoing feud and both came to meet me at the Seattle Airport. It was very tense and when I told them that I intended to get married that month and take Kriss back to France with me, my Mother, in particular, just about had a fit. She was in an emotional state for the next couple of weeks that just about did her in.  Kriss met us at the Greyhound Station in Wapato, in reality, the American Motors Dealership. As only my Mother could pull off, she communicated without a word her total disdain and contempt for both Kriss and the ridiculous notion that we were going to get married in a week or so. It got worse in the days to come. We sat down with her the next day or so and tried to get her blessing and approval. I was seated across the room and Kriss was next to her on the sofa. The first thing she did was inform us that I wasn't of age, 21, to get married without parental approval and how could I marry this girl who was a total stranger to her. As it turned out, neither of us needed parental approval to get married and I told her so. She ranted and raved a while and finally I just ended the conversation with the admonition to just not come to the wedding if she was going to make a fool of herself. She had succeeded at that at some of my siblings nuptials and I reminded her that she would have to live in that community after all this blew over, so she might take that into consideration. We left on that discordant note and decided it was time to go to Yakima, get a marriage license and set a date.

We decided on December 30, 1971, as the day. Kriss and her mother spent the night before the wedding making her wedding dress, which she can still get into to this day. We had a session with the Pastor of Kriss' church to plan the ceremony and though my parents were almost 30 minutes late, they showed up for the wedding. Kriss walked down the aisle to the Hymn: "Great is Thy Faithfulness" and that has essentially been the theme of our lives and ministry to this day. Kriss' mother baked a couple of turkeys and all the trimmings, with help from neighbors and friends, and we had the reception at the ancestral home. We would have to leave for France in a couple of days and so we packed up Kriss' things and flew from Seattle to JFK, New York. My oldest sister Patsy's brother-in-law Constantine "Gus" Tasolides met us at the airport and we stayed a couple of days with his family seeing the sights of New York City that I had seen a couple of years before. For some reason we had another problem purchasing Kriss' ticket from New York to Zurich, so I had to resort to my tried and tested procedure of writing a bad check and called Kriss' parents to take money out of her savings to cover it. What a way to start married life!

We arrived in Zurich and took a bus to Marseilles, France and another bus to Aix-en-Provence. It all sounds so amazingly romantic, but don't be deceived. It turned out to be some of the best and worst days of our lives and we were fortunate to be 7000 miles away from our families. We had no one to run to except God and one another. It turned out to be the best way for us to start life together. God has a way of working all things together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purposes.